Refund policy

The "Covenant of Finality" (Refund Policy)

Look, we get it. You’ve spent a large portion of your life making commitments you eventually wanted to back out of. But unlike your baptism at age eight, this purchase is a binding over-the-calculator covenant.

1. All Sales are Final (Like a Celestial Marriage)

Once you click "Buy," this transaction is sealed for time and all eternity. We do not offer refunds, returns, or exchanges. Think of it like a Mission Call to Vunuatu—you might not have expected it, but you’re committed now.

2. No "Change of Heart"

If you receive your item and realize it doesn't bring you the "spirit" you expected, we recommend a period of fasting and prayer. Unfortunately, "buyer's remorse" is not a valid reason for a return in this dispensation.

3. The "Outer Darkness" Exception (Damaged Goods)

The only way we’re breaking this seal is if your item arrives physically "bruised and battered" (damaged during shipping).

• If your item is defective, you must email us within 7 days of delivery.

• Please include photographic witness of the damage.

• If we verify the claim, we will issue a refund. We will not, however, provide a refund in filthy lucre.

4. Shipping & Lost Tribes

We are not responsible for items lost by the USPS (the Gadianton Robbers of the postal world). Once it leaves our hands, it is in the hands of the elements.

Summary: By purchasing from Gob’s Gifts, you acknowledge that you have read this policy with a sincere heart and real intent.